One of the biggest differences for me when dating a Chilean is the dramatic and over-the-top manner that Chileans choose to express their interest in you from the very beginning and so forth. A good friend of mine has recently started hanging out with a Chilean guy she met during a bachelorette party that I previously told you about. Now, as much as they have been getting together on a rather consistent basis, it hasn’t been labeled as anything yet because they are still getting to know each other.
But low and behold, those two little words made it into the conversation fairly recently by her Chilean suitor and left my friend dumbfounded. “Te quiero.” There really is no English equivalent to it and if you are new to the Latino or Chilean dating scene it can throw you through a loop and then some. So when she asked me what this meant and if she should say it back, I thought about my own experience when I was first told this.
I must say that this completely perplexed me in the beginning too because on one end I wondered if this guy was actually saying I love you, which freaked me out because how genuine is it when you say it so soon. I then wondered if he was just trying to sweet-talk me, or if it was just another way of saying I like you a lot and could see this going somewhere.
But…I have come to terms with the fact that this could be, at times, a bunch of B.S. or a bit phony. I mean does it all not seem a bit hard to believe when it’s pushed to such, dare I say, cornball extremes so early on?
Linda, preciosa, un beso, un mil besos, te extranoooo….five minutes later, todavia te extrano, etc. Do any of these ring a bell? And no I am not talking about my boyfriend. I’m talking about the guy that I just met last week.
And when you are actually dating someone it’s taken to a whole new level. Then begins “mi cielo, mi gorda(Um, seriously? I’m not even going to go there.), mi vida hermosa, etc.” Sure it all sounds sweet in Spanish but think about it. If you are dating a gringo, would you not be creeped out if they were like “oh my beautiful heaven, I haven’t seen you for hours. I miss you my pretty fatty” I think I rest my case.
Are they telling us this because they really feel it or because they have been taught that this is what we want to hear? Or is it that as foreigners, and more specifically myself as an American, we are actually starved for real romance?
My current roommate is European and she lived in the States for a year before she came to Chile to work. She made a rather interesting comment on how we as American women have our own form of phony and cheesy comments to each other. We’ve all heard them and many of us, including myself, have said them.
Exhibit A: “Hey, nice to meet you. Oh my god, I looove your shoes! Where did you get them?” Consequentially, the person receiving the compliment feels like they have an instant yet shallow bond and think “wow, I like her. She is so nice!.” But in reality, that girl may not have given a rat’s arse about her shoes and really it’s just one girl complimenting another because she believes it’s what she wants to hear.
Exhibit B: “Oh my god! I love your skirt! Where did you get it?” Girl walks away…
“That is the ugliest effin’ skirt I’ve ever seen.” – Mean Girls
The thing is that even though a lot of us aren’t trying to be total “mean girls” so to speak when we say this to each other, it really isn’t all that genuine a lot of the time. And so I’ve come to realize, that my culture has it’s own overly dramatic comments/compliments.
But back to the “I love you” factor. The truth is that people here totally rush into expressing their emotions much faster than what I’m used to. At least I know that the gringo guy who took forever to say it to me, nine times out of ten, meant it because he took his good old time contemplating it.
I’m not saying that your pololo or husband is not genuine when he tells you “the love of my life, I miss you so much and please remember to pick up milk at the grocery store before you come home,” but for me it’s all a little too much. As always, to each his own.
But a part of me is definitely wondering that when I date a gringo again, will I then be missing all the extravagant display of affection Chileans give? Or will I now be in some sort of limbo, torn between feeling a gringo is too cold and a Chilean is too cheesy?
Bridget McAndrew
goverseas360 